Chapter XXI... Games & Gamesmanship
MANNERISMS AT THE CARD TABLE
Mannerisms must be avoided like the plague. If there is one
thing worse than the horrible “post-mortem,” it
is the incessant repetition of some jarring habit by one particular
player. The most usual and most offensive is that of snapping
down a card as played, or bending a “trick” one
has taken into a letter “U,” or picking it up and
trotting it up and down on the table. Other pet offenses are
drumming on the table with one’s fingers, making various
clicking, whistling, or humming sounds, massaging one’s
face, scratching one’s chin with the cards, or waving
the card one is going to play aloft in the air in Smart Alec
fashion as though shouting, “I know what you are going
to lead! And my card is ready!” All mannerisms that attract
attention are in the long run equally unpleasant—even
unendurable to one’s companions. Many people whose game
is otherwise admirable are rarely asked to play because they
have allowed some such silly and annoying habit to take its
hold upon them.
THE GOOD LOSER
The good loser makes it an invariable rule never to play for
stakes that it will be inconvenient to lose. The neglect of
this rule has been responsible for more “bad losers”
than anything else, and needless to say a bad loser is about
as welcome at a card table as rain at a picnic. Of course there
_are_ people who can take losses beyond their means with perfect
cheerfulness and composure. Some few are so imbued with the
gambler’s instinct that a heavy turn of luck, in either
direction, is the salt of life. But the average person is equally
embarrassed in winning or losing a stake “that matters”
and the only answer is to play for one that doesn’t.
GOLF
Golf is a particularly severe strain upon the amiability of
the average person’s temper, and in no other game, except
bridge, is serenity of disposition so essential. No one easily
“ruffled” can keep a clear eye on the ball, and
exasperation at “lost balls” seemingly bewitches
successive ones into disappearing with the completeness and
finality of puffs of smoke. In a race or other test of endurance
a flare of anger might even help, but in golf it is safe to
say that he who loses his temper is pretty sure to lose the
game. Golf players of course know the rules and observe them,
but it quite often happens that idlers, having nothing better
to do, walk out over a course and “watch the players.”
If they know the players well, that is one thing, but they have
no right to follow strangers. A player who is nervous is easily
put off his game, especially if those watching him are so ill-bred
as to make audible remarks. Those playing matches of course
expect an audience, and erratic and nervous players ought not
to go into tournaments—or at least not in two-ball foursomes
where they are likely to handicap a partner. In following a
match, onlookers must be careful to stand well within bounds
and neither talk nor laugh nor do anything that can possibly
distract the attention of the players. The rule that you should
not appoint yourself mentor holds good in golf as well as in
bridge and every other game. Unless your advice is asked for,
you should not instruct others how to hold their clubs or which
ones to use, or how they ought to make the shot. A young woman
must on no account expect the man she happens to be playing
with to make her presents of golf-balls, or to caddy for her,
nor must she allow him to provide her with a caddy. If she can’t
afford to hire one of her own, she must either carry her own
clubs or not play golf.
OTHER GAMES AND SPORTS
There are fixed rules for the playing of every game—and
for proper conduct in every sport. The details of these rules
must be studied in the “books of the game,” learned
from instructors, or acquired by experience. A small boy perhaps
learns to fish or swim by himself, but he is taught by his father
or a guide—at all events, some one—how and how not
to hold a gun, cast a fly, or ride a horse. But apart from the
technique of each sport, or the rules of each game, the etiquette—or
more correctly, the basic principles of good sportsmanship,
are the same. In no sport or game can any favoritism or evasion
of rules be allowed. Sport is based upon impersonal and indiscriminating
fairness to every one alike, or it is not “sport.”
And to be a good sportsman, one must be a stoic and never show
rancor in defeat, or triumph in victory, or irritation, no matter
what annoyance is encountered. One who can not help sulking,
or explaining, or protesting when the loser, or exulting when
the winner, has no right to take part in games and contests.
=”PLAYING THE GAME”= If you would be thought to
play the game, meaning if you aspire to be a true sportsman,
you must follow the rules of sportsmanship the world over: Never
lose your temper. Play for the sake of playing rather than to
win. Never stop in the middle of a tennis or golf match and
complain of a lame ankle, especially if you are losing. Unless
it is literally impossible for you to go on, you must stick
it out. If you are a novice, don’t ask an expert to play
with you, especially as your partner. If he should ask you in
spite of your shortcomings, maintain the humility proper to
a beginner. If you are a woman, don’t ape the ways and
clothing of men. If you are a man, don’t take advantage
of your superior strength to set a pace beyond the endurance
of a woman opponent. And always give the opponent the benefit
of the doubt! Nothing is more important to your standing as
a sportsman, though it costs you the particular point in question.
A true sportsman is always a cheerful loser, a quiet winner,
with a very frank appreciation of the admirable traits in others,
which he seeks to emulate, and his own shortcomings, which he
tries to improve.
from Emily Post’s Etiquette
first published in 1922
